Here are 4 ways to improve!

A necessary way of communicating love to our children is listening in an understanding way. Listening is one skill many people take for granted. Most adults are preoccupied with their own needs and problems, and so they have a tendency not to listen to those around them. There are several important points to remember about being an effective listener with your children (works with your spouse too!):

1. A good listener desires eye contact with the speaker. That means stopping our activities—putting the newspaper down, turning the television off—and giving our undivided attention.

2. A good listener never assumes he or she knows what the other person is saying. I've reacted to something one of my children said, only to learn later that what I understood wasn't what he really meant. Take the time to ask them, "Is that what you're saying?"

3. Another key factor in being a good listener is to not overreact or take immediate action. I've found that it's best to go through a whole conversation, then later on, after we've had time to think, take action with the agreement of the children involved.

4. Finally, to be a good listener, it's also important that we not ridicule what our children say. We may not understand what they're saying, but being critical or ridiculing them lowers their sense of self-worth and can cut off meaningful communication.

Gary Smalley
Editor, Smalley Relationship Center